Darkness

Humility, like darkness, reveals the heavenly lights.

-Henry David Thoreau

I have been thinking a lot about the nature of waiting.  Thumbing through a few things tucked away from a year ago, I stumbled upon a self-portrait drawn by WJ at school.  It is hard for me to look at this sketch.  His teachers told me that when they asked him why he was covering his face in black, WJ said that he was drawing long hair that covered his face, all but one of his eyes.  They believed maybe he was imagining one of his Rock Star fantasies; many Rockers do have long hair.

But when I looked at this drawing, I recognized the image right away. That great darkness, broken only by an empty place. 

What WJ sketched as his own face that day in school a year ago was his memory of the image he had seen on the screen of the ultrasound machine at my midwife’s office a few weeks before.  Darkness.  Lots of it.  And in the midst of the darkness an emptiness where a baby was expected to be.

In the weeks that followed that ultrasound appointment last year, during the weeks of waiting for the inevitable miscarriage to come, WJ crept beside me when we were alone and asked me the kinds of questions I had imagined we might not face until his teenage years.  How could God have known the baby if the baby didn’t have a name? Why wasn’t God taking care of our baby? 

Other times he made quiet declarations.  It is dark inside your body where the baby was. Yes, I replied, it is dark inside of me. 

There comes a great darkness when you realize the extreme powerlessness of your inability to keep your children safe, even when held within yourself, even when tucked so perfectly away from the world. 

In a way our family all followed the baby into the darkness this year.  While in the first days this darkness was deep and black like a nightmare, our eyes slowly adjusted to it and I have been able to see the wisdom in WJ’s soft pronouncement to me. 

I can see now that this particular darkness is less like that of the deep of the night and more like the dark of the depth of the womb.  We have been encompassed in these weeks and months, encompassed within the love of family and friends, held tight by the prayers of those same and others.  We have been able to hear the world beating on around us.  We have been sustained.  In this darkness we have been growing. And changing.  Waiting to come out into the light and see newness and all that has been prepared.

In the first few weeks of school, WJ’s teachers focus on Creation and tell this story again and again.  In the beginning there was a great darkness. And then the Word spoke light.  But the darkness was not gone.  It was called Night and it was called Good.  Days passed and then darkness was broken, but not by emptiness.  It was dotted instead by heavenly lights.

Waiting implies lack.  But it also hints at hope. We are indeed ready to wait.  And I hope our waiting reveals humility—an understanding that we are not in control but instead held safe, a trust that the darkness is eternally dotted with heavenly lights.

There is a prayer prayed at our school and at bedtime tonight here in our home:

God is light.

In him there is no darkness at all.

God is not far from any one of us.

In Him we live, and move, and have our being.

Amen.

The yogurt dilemma

If you are like me, there is not much that produces more anxiety than a trip to the yogurt section of the grocery store.  As I stand in front of the display, my mind is aflutter with those buzzwords of modern shopping: organic, green, low-sugar, low-fat, natural, budget-wise.  For me, the refrigerator section is a black hole of parenting hopes.  I have been buying yogurt for my son for over four years and have never found a single tub of yogurt that left me with the taste of success.  Sometime I feel like giving up altogether and filling up the cart from cup-o-puddin’ display instead.

Dairy is one of the areas where I am committed to spending the extra money for organic products.  But take a peek at the sugar content of the flavored organic brands and you will debate letting your child suck on a couple of lollipops instead.  Yoplait makes a lower sugar kids yogurt but it is not organic and not easy on the wallet.  Try anything cheaper than these two options and you are entering the realm of artificial colorings, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, and artificial flavoring.

My search to eliminate the instant from our kitchen and diet has lead me to a solution the Yogurt Problem.  The idea came from my friend Heather who was sweetening servings of plain yogurt with honey and cinnamon for her toddler.  To save time, I buy the big tub of plain organic yogurt and it takes just a quick minute to transform it into yogurt that is sweet enough for WJ but that I can also feel good about.  Buying the big tubs means we use less plastic and spend less money.  Mixing it at home means I am in control of the additives.

WJ’s favorite is in keeping with Heather’s idea.  I dump a quart of plain organic yogurt into a large bowl and sprinkle it with about 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon.  Then I stir in about a teaspoon of vanilla extract and a tablespoon or two of honey or agave.  It really does not take a lot to sweeten yogurt—there is a natural sweetness from the lactose.  Vanilla and cinnamon both have a sweet quality as well but don't add any extra sugar.  WJ won’t tolerate plain yogurt; it is a little too tart.  But a hint of added sweetness makes it enjoyably tangy.

It would be easy to mix in a fruit compote or even some all-fruit preserves.  Applesauce would work, as would mashed bananas or even some baby food pears.

Tonight I “cooked” a tub for myself too.  I mixed a 16-ounce container of organic Greek yogurt with a tablespoon or so of maple syrup and a couple of tablespoons of walnut pieces. I am planning on adding a dollop or two on my oatmeal in the morning. 

Two recipes, one bowl, a few minutes, and my fridge is stocked with yogurt for the week.  Finally, I will be able to stand up to the yogurt display and balk at its bullying. 

What food choices intimidate you most?

Family game night

I have a lot of goals for this year of slowing down but at the heart of it all, I am finding, is a desire to enjoy my family.  Sometimes it feels impossible to squeeze in family time, but it doesn’t take much, just a few moments spent together having fun, to boost my energy and attitude. I think we all would agree as well that there is little more important than this in the life of a young child.

We have discovered in recent weeks that a quick card game or board game played right after dinner, before bath and bed for WJ, is an easy way to have a family moment of slowness.  It is especially nice from my point of view on a Sunday evening to stretch out the togetherness of our meal and put off for a few more minutes the shuffle of getting ready for the new week.

Our current favorite is UNO. UNO is a perfect preschooler game, easy to adapt it for various levels of ability.  WJ is five but we have been playing UNO together for at least a year.  In the beginning, we removed all of the “special action” cards like Draw Two, Skip, and Reverse.  He was then able to focus only on matching numbers and colors. 

Holding and managing the cards in his hand is still difficult for WJ, so we taught him how to spread the cards out on the table.  As his opponents, Dave and I can see what he has in his hand but that is fine for now.  We are not exactly trying to grind him into dust when we play, not just yet.

As WJ gets older, he is beginning to develop an understanding of strategy, so we have started to introduce those special action cards back into the game.  He loves to be able to change the color for his advantage or make one of us Draw Four.  We don’t enforce the “say UNO or draw 400 new cards” rule yet.  That will come next.

Last week, WJ slipped away while helping to clear the dinner table and Captain Hook returned in his place to join us for the evening’s match.  As you can see, it is difficult to pick up cards with your hook. Of course, this suction cup clip is not actually a prirate's hook.  It is actually, according to WJ, a toy breastpump left here by one of his Two Best Friends. But that is a story for another day.

I challenge you to fit something playful into your weekend.  Let me know how it goes.

Planning play dates

A reader asked a question recently about my post on planning play dates before school begins.  She inquired about my statement, “Choose carefully and choose only a few.”  What does choosing carefully mean exactly? 

Obviously and in general, we hope that our children will be able to play peacefully and joyfully with all other children.  We want to challenge our children to learn problem-solving skills that help them navigate tricky social situations; we want to encourage them to have eyes that see the goodness and value in each friend they encounter; we want for them to develop graciousness and generosity as they work and play.

When your child is feeling apprehensive about repeating a grade or entering a new school or other setting, however, choosing playmates carefully means setting your child up for success.  Your goal will be preparing your child to greet the school year with enthusiasm.  You will want to look for a comfortable playing opportunity, something to feed the excitement and hope about the upcoming change rather than the anxiety and the dread.

Here are some things to consider:

1. ACTIVITY LEVEL  Is your child on-the-go or a child who spends most of his or her playtime sitting down, spending a long time with one activity?  One of the most unsuccessful pairings would be children at the opposite end of the activity level spectrum.  Very quiet children can be easy flustered by a child whose play is more physical and moves quickly from one activity to another.  And a busy child may be frustrated and let down by a playmate who cannot or will not keep up.  Look for a child whose activity level seems similar to your child’s.
2. PLAYING STYLE  Educators often talk of a child’s learning style, whether it be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic.  When you are thinking about making a pair for these play dates, consider the style of your child’s play.  What type of activity engages him or her most?  Imaginary play and storytelling?  Building and constructing?  Creating and crafting?  Climbing and playing ball?  Digging and collecting?  A child who wants to make-believe in costumes and one who wants only to use the Legos are going to have a more difficult time finding common ground than two who love to play house or two who love to cut and glue.
3. INTERESTS  This is probably the least influential element if you have found a child who is a good match in terms of both activity level and playing style.  But if you are struggling to think of a child who is a good match, consider your child’s biggest interests.  For young children, interests are like languages.  If your child is proficient in Pirate, conscious of all of the jargon and necessary equipment, he may be able to make a leap with a child who seems very different in other ways.  A passion for Princesses may bring together two otherwise incompatible children.  What languages does your child speak?

You will likely want to put a little more thought into preparing for these play dates than you may normally.  Help your child make a plan about which toys or activities to offer first.  Think of something special to suggest that will allow you to facilitate some of the play, for instance a board game, a cooking project, or the building of a fort or puppet stage.  Maybe plan a surprise, new craft materials or a treat, to present to the children when there is a lull in their play.  Think about what time of day is your child’s most flexible and positive time and make sure to keep the play date relatively short.  Finally, step in early if there is a conflict.  Help the children apologize to each other and forgive each other and then help distract them toward a new activity. 

With any luck, the fruit of this labor will be a child who adjusts quickly to his or her new situation.  At our house, I felt the positive impact immediately and WJ is happily continuing to play with the children from these play dates as the school year progresses.

Whole wheat buttermilk waffles

One of the favorite breakfast choices since toddlerhood in this household has been a frozen waffle popped into the toaster.  For WJ, a waffle is a tasty vehicle for his not-so-secret maple syrup habit.  It is a big favorite from my point of view as well since it takes a grand total of about three minutes to prepare and I have been able to find brands that use whole grains.

These frozen waffles, however, do have high sodium content (between 10% and 20% of the recommended sodium intake for an adult) and feature a number of those sketchy, hard-to-pronounce ingredients we would all be happier if our children were not ingesting. 

This week’s effort at eliminating the instant from our family's pantry (or freezer in this case) and our diet: Whole Wheat Buttermilk Waffles.  Made at home; stored in the freezer.  A healthy and money-saving replacement that will still be ready on a school morning in three minutes flat.

This recipe comes from a perfectly lovely cookbook called The Breakfast Book by Marion Cunningham.  I have made three substitutions, which are noted below: 

3/4 cup whole wheat flour

3/4 cup whole-wheat white flour*

2 teaspoons baking powder

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon agave nectar*

3 eggs

1 1/2 cup buttermilk

1/2 cup (one stick) melted butter

1/4 cup canola oil*

Stir the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl with a fork.  In another mixing bowl beat the eggs until well blended.   Stir in the buttermilk, agave, melted butter (cooled a little), and oil.  Add the flour mixture and stir until well mixed.  If the batter is too thick, stir in up to 1/4 cup regular milk.  The batter should pour from the spoon, not plop (a direct quote from Ms. Cunningham--makes me want to meet her and hear her say "plop").  Bake in a waffle iron until crisp and golden. 

*The original recipe calls for 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour, which I replaced with whole-wheat white flour.  This is a whole-grain flour that I have found often works well in recipes calling for regular white flour.  I used agave nectar instead of two tablespoons of sugar and replaced 1/4 cup of the 3/4 cup butter in the recipe with canola oil.  These quick changes make me that much happier about replacing the cardboard box in my freezer with these waffles of my own.

As you can see, my first waffle did not turn out.  I was in a grove and failed to check the doneness setting.  Apparently it was set on “sticky mess.”  This sad glob went directly into the trash, all of it but a quick taste for me.  Even in this soggy state, these waffles taste great. 

I adjusted the settings and the waffles were quickly finished.  The whole process took about thirty minutes.  In the end I had one waffle saved for the morning, nine destined for a Ziploc bag in the freezer, and one RIP in the trash can.  WJ will usually eat three of the five sections of these waffles as one serving.  So my efforts tonight will result in at least fourteen quick and easy breakfasts in the coming weeks.

For serving her whole wheat buttermilk waffles, Marion Cunningham suggests, “The perfect complement is warmed honey—which becomes thin and pours like syrup when heated.”  An added frugal bonus since the average price of a smallish maple syrup bottle at Whole Foods today was about $67.00.  

What processed foods are you trying to eliminate?